Reducing the stress: how to be more present.
Learning to be more present can strengthen our relationships and help us find pockets of calmness and fun during the day. Best of Today's Founder Anna Gibbons shares how we can all practice being more present.
Human beings have always needed a strong sense of kotahitanga (togetherness) in order to thrive.
However, the latest statistics from Southern Cross suggest that over 50% of New Zealanders feel they don’t have enough family time and 42% are unhappy in their personal relationships. Their study showed:
55% of Kiwi parents want more family time. This figure is even higher among families with young children (65%).
Just three in five Kiwis are happy with their romantic relationships (58%) and social life/friendships (61%).
When our ‘tribe’ (i.e. our home) is good and we feel safe and secure, our brains are not under ‘threat’ - therefore it’s easier to take on the outside world and its stressors (e.g. Covid-19).
We can’t increase the hours in our day. So, how do we get more family time and improve our relationships with the people who matter the most to us?
It's all about increasing our ability to be more present in the moment.
We need to do this more now more than ever before! Declutter our minds, turn down the ‘Non-Stop Talking (NST) FM’ radio station in our heads. We need to create the capacity to connect with others, in a quality way.
How do we create the capacity to be present and connect?
Step 1: Un-attach to the stories you are telling yourself
The ‘Non-Stop Talking FM’ radio station (i.e. that negative voice inside our heads) isn’t always kind and often tells you stories that are not true - they really are just stories!
In order to connect you need to be mindfully present and unattach from these stories. This can only happen if you are in control of the volume switch of the ‘radio station’ in your head and not attaching yourself to the thoughts making them true.
Step 2: Be responsible for the energy you bring into a room
Emotions are contagious. Our brains are wired to read someone else’s thoughts and emotions within a second.
Before walking in the door after work, ask yourself: “What do I need to do in order to avoid bringing the contagious stress and toxicity from my day for everyone else to absorb?”
Step 3: Consciously choose the moments when your presence is needed the most
It takes immense focus to be present especially if feeling stressed. Therefore, it's not realistic to be in this space all day. Do it when it’s needed the most for the people whom matter the most.
Step 4: Commit to Sleep
Fatigue makes it more difficult to be present and control our NST radio station. We need sleep in order to regulate our emotions.
Ensure you are getting at least 2-3 good sleeps a week and plan them. Implement good sleep hygiene practices on these nights, for example:
No screen time
Dim the lights earlier
No caffeine after midday
No alcohol
Use your Best of Today Lavender Sleep Spray
Make a list of all the things you know can help you enjoy a better night’s sleep and refer back to this regularly.
Step 5: Control your state
You can’t control what comes at you, but you can control the stories you tell yourself about what’s coming at you.
Senka Holzer, PhD from Science2Wellbeing shares her personal way of maintaining control over her stress on crazy days by asking herself this question:
If this was my last day here on earth
how do I want to be in this day?
i.e. Do I want to be running around stressed and frazzled? Or do I want to be present and feel pockets of calmness and fun during my day?
The Takeaway
Loosening our attachment to the stories in our heads and choosing pockets of thoughts (away from things like Covid-19 that we can’t control), will help us feel more positive, present and connected with the people who matter to us.